I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
