remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
