barbara walters just said penis...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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