Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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