Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
