My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
