Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
