One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
