Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
