You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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