I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
