He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
