i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
what day is it and did you see me today?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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