Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
