Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
