just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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