so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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