you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
