Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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