Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Less talking, more tequila
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
