about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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