??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
should my penis look like a turkey
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
