Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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