nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Drake has all the answers
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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