you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
