That's when you crack a 10am beer
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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