I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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