She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
