and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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