if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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