i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
