it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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