I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
