i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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