i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
