she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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