My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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