I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
