my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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