maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
