I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
