and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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