I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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