he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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