I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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