He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
