Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Never underestimate the power of titties
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
