The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
