Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
