Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
