I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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