Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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